Gerontophobia and The New Minority

October 1980 (probably October 12)
Lakeland, Port Charlotte

Gerontophobia and The New Minority

The old know what it is to be young. The young do not know what it is to be old.

If you came prepared to listen with polite inattention because you are not an older person, I have news for you – you are aging. No matter whether you are 15 or 50, you are older than you were yesterday, older than when you arrived at the Fellowship, older than you were 60 seconds ago.

Gerontophobia is a two-dollar word, which for me has two meanings: the more common meaning is that we have a fear of aging. The other and more psychologically complex nuance is a fear that many younger persons have of older persons. It is not socially acceptable or polite to exhibit this fear of older persons, but I surmise it is there.

This latter fear is not universal, for many have reached it through experience and understanding. But many still shrink back, inwardly at us older persons. There may be a fear of having to assume heavy obligation in immediate family or in the social order. There is certain dread of growing old. Some younger persons see our wrinkles and lines, notice our impaired hearing, our gimpy knees, arthritic joints, or trembling hands, hear of coronaries, cancer, and stroke.... There is a sort of emotional shudder - “As he is, so I will be.” We are closer to death. [CJW note: Berenson – fear, basis of all great art. Fear of death, fear of aging, until come to terms , some day, don’t know when I shall die – no]

I noted the story of a younger woman who complained to a peer, “I’m getting older and I’m worried about it.” Her friend responded, “I haven’t noticed it.” Then the reply, “Oh, yes, I am. When I put on my dress this morning, I saw my mother’s hand coming out of the sleeve!”

To encourage such awareness is my purpose today. To raise our consciousness of aging is a promising and healthy beginning which can lead to more understanding.

Do you remember the opening lines of Robert Browning’s “Rabbi Ben Ezra” ?

“Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, ‘A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!’”

Now, such poetic hope can evoke the kind of ungrammatical scoffing response I heard once, “He ain’t kidding nobody but hisself.” Or if one is more cultured one may say, “Browning – a romantic idealist & impossible to be ....” Either case, not so.

My idea of God is not the same as Robert Browning’s. But I am part of all I have met and all that is – and is to be. The ancient Greeks deified the earth – Gaia – Earth Mother. Gaia is a given – and we must accept and make peace with her on her terms. Which is how I would re-interpret Browning’s “trust God: see all nor be afraid.”

I referred to the New Minority in the title. Of course, older persons (those of us over 65) have always been a minority. Now we are not only a minority growing in numbers but also in assertion and political and social consciousness. [CJW note: Persons 65 and older vote in far greater % than any other age group.]

The projections are that by 1985, 12% of U.S. society will be 65 and older and 12% will be in the 18-24 age group. By 2030, 18% of our society will be 65 and older, and only 9% in the 18-24 age group. [CJW note: Florida figures are / will be substantially higher in the # of persons over 65.] This shift in age in the American scene will have substantial consequences and probably make for sweeping changes in politics, economics, and in the structures of our governmental and social order.

As members of this minority growing in numbers, growing in self-consciousness, growing in political clout, [we] do well to recognize and face up to our gripes, needs, and opportunities. Those of you not yet numbered among us will be someday if all goes well with you. Therefore all parts of the age spectrum need to deal with the realities.

What are the gripes of we older ones? (See 50+, Nov. 1980, p. 14)

Public television’s show “Over Easy” has released a reader response report compiled from 90,000 letter-writers. From those letters these findings emerged:

“The most mentioned complaint is a feeling of social isolation – an acute sense of not being wanted by society and of not having access to social amenities.

“Secondly, many elders also feel frustrated at having an agile mind trapped inside of a fragile body.

“Thirdly, they find it particularly difficult to deal with physical and mental changes that accompany a long life.

“Finally, the letters claim that the warmth and comfort that prevails in most peer groups may be lacking among older people.”

It occurred to me as I reflected on these [four] complaints that they could have been just as accurate if made by persons within any age group of the population – the physically handicapped with a good mind – physical and mental change – lack of person-to-person warmth and comfort. These are human needs – not limited to those of us over 65 – and deserve caring attention. A sense of personal worth is basic to health of body-mind.

I saw a t-shirt message not long ago (I am more attentive to t-shirt messages than those on bumper stickers). The message was ungrammatical and the theology vague, but I liked the spirit - “I’m somebody – God don’t make no junk.”

At least part of the cause of Gerontophobia is a series of generalizations about the aging which, like unfounded rumors, gain credence quite apart from accuracy and truth.

Generalization #1 – All elderly are the same. Nonsense. Just look around or think on the older ones you have seen just yesterday and today. We are different from one another, perhaps with more differences than those in other age groups.

Generalization #2 – The elderly no longer can learn. Not true. [CJW note: colleges – all over counts – Elder hostel]

Generalization #3 – The elderly are devoid of sexual interest. If you believe that, let me try to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge. [CJW note: naïve, uninformed, unexposed]

Generalization #4 – Old age is a disease. There is nothing more natural and in tune with the universe than growing old. It is universal that all organic life, and for that matter, the inorganic, grows old.

Generalization #5 – That it is unwholesome to reminisce. Quite the contrary. When we reminisce – it is good and purposeful. We are confirming our identities, by victories and defeats, our dreams and hopes, pains and joys, telling our stories, not just garrulously gabbing. Furthermore the oral traditions and moral values handed down by the elders have occupied in the human ... a far greater span of the histories of families, clans, tribes, nations, than the come-lately writing/printed accounts, radio waves, and taped documentaries.

Generalization #6 – The elderly are too old to change. Not so. Change is one of the inevitable and basic conditions not only of the human experience but of the universe itself. [CJW note: ‘set in their ways”]

Of course one can single out some elders to whom one or more of these erroneous myths would apply. But again, they could be applied to some individuals in every age group.

Therefore as I move into the concluding part of this presentation where I suggest some attitudes that will aid us in achieving wholeness, wholesomeness, and creative growth, it should now be obvious that I am not just speaking to myself and others who are past 65 but to everyone who is aging – and to that there are no exceptions. The Fountain of Youth is a false fantasy and a deviant one at that.

There are dozens of ways to deepen the art of aging gracefully so there will be reference only to cultivating one’s sense of humor, and the healthy force in a strong will to live.

Cultivate the sense of humor – tell jokes and listen to them. Does that sound trivial? In Norman Cousins’ remarkable story, ANATOMY OF AN ILLNESS, he became infected with a disease of the connective tissue: ankylosing spondylitis. Cousins’ physician told him that his chances for recovery were 1 in 500. Some specialists had never witnessed even one person recovering from this disease. But Cousins did.

For reasons well-described in the book, Cousins determined not to take any pain-killing drugs because of the side effects. How [could he] endure the pain without the drugs? Cousins writes (p. 39), “We began the part of the program calling for the full exercise of the affirmative emotions. It was easy enough to hope and love and have faith, but what about laughter?” So he viewed old Candid Camera movies, several old Marx Brothers movies, and the nurses would read to him from humor and joke anthologies.

Writes Cousins, “It worked. I made the joyous discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain free sleep.” There seemed to be actual physical change, too; the belly laugh is therapeutic.

So you tell me your jokes, and I’ll tell you mine. Earl Wilson, the columnist, wrote “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple car payments.”

In the magazine “50 Plus” there is an article on the same theme by Dr. Allen Fromme, a psychologist. Appropriately enough he starts with a joke: “A man, listening to his friend’s agonizing recital of all the bad things that happened to [him] comments repeatedly, ‘It could be worse.” “How?” finally asks his sadden companion. “It could happen to me.”

The article concludes, “the benefits for us are enormous. For one thing, we can more easily enjoy the lighter side of life. Not everything is so serious. This is especially valuable in today’s world, where so many have abandoned the restraints of good manners for self-assertiveness. We’re better off being amused more than annoyed. We keep our blood pressure down when theirs goes up.”

Next, the will to live – again, the Cousins book provides inspirational guidelines. In the introduction, scientist Rene Dubos tells of persons who reached great age – the late 90s even more than 100 years ago. Even at that age, many of them died, not so much of direct specific cause, they just got tired of living so they died. [CJW note: The will to live is not just a theoretical abstraction but a physiological reality with therapeutic characteristics.]

The stories of Pablo Casals and Albert Schweitzer are told. Each had a strong will to live – Casals persisting in his music – a great, skilled artist to the very end at 95. Schweitzer once told his staff, “I have no intention of dying so long as I can do things. And if I do things there is no need to die. So, I will live a long, long time.” And he did, until he was 95.

Cousins summarizes (p. 48),

“I have learned never to underestimate the capacity of the human mind and body to regenerate – even when the prospects seem most wretched. The life force may be the least understood force on earth. William James said that human beings tend to live [too] far within self-imposed limits.

Gerontophobia – a fear of aging – a fear of the elderly – is neither justified by human experience nor need be a terrible burden to be borne – unless we make that self-defeating choice.

Martin Buber, the great Israeli teacher/philosopher drew it all together in a sentence:

“To be old is a wonderful thing when one has not forgotten how to begin again.”

Addendum

Prayer for Growing Older
(Adapted from an anonymous source)

Mysterious cosmic source of all that was, and is to be, I am thankful that I am growing old: it is a privilege many have been denied. Awareness of this gives fresh wonder to every day I have breath.

I am grateful for the joys I now grasp because age has pried my fingers loose from trivial things – for simpler things; for swallows skimming over sunlit meadows, for unhurried moments to nourish faith on thought of past joys and mercies; for social instants when all things that once seem disjointed fall into place and the sad things of earth are swallowed up in thrilling joy.

I am thankful for the faith of others which strengthens my own. Thankful, too, for those who have gone before me, marching with dignity through advanced age. Grant to all of us awareness of life’s autumn, a time of fulfillment and harvest. May age be seen as part of the design of the world and our own so that the years may not rest like a burden but more like a benediction.

Let reluctance to leave this world be not a dread of death but a tribute to life.

Spare us from the self-pity that shrivels the soul. Though our wrinkles multiply and bodies tire, may there be no withering of our spirits. May every day witness some rebirth of beauty, some eager expectation of finding treasure there. Grant us grace to stand the pain of encountering a new idea without flinching.

If appetite for food should fade, may our lives still savor tenderness in others, consume the dawn, feast on starlight and nourish our souls with the wonders of the world. Like Job, may we see that the order of the planets is more significant than our sores.

Though our money be limited, let us be spendthrifts with love and squanderers of kindness in the healthy exercise of bending down to help someone up.

And may we be granted daily some moments of living on tiptoes, lured by the eternal city just beyond the hills of time.