Living Under Stress

January 22, 1967
Plainfield

Living Under Stress

When King Saul blew up under pressure, tried to kill David, the warrior who was a powerful ally, Saul was the victim of a weakness that is common to the human situation in all times. Saul was determined to preserve his monarchy; he was anxious to defeat the Philistines. In addition, Saul was resentful of David's popularity among the Hebrew people. When David was the victorious general in a battle with the enemy, the accumulated tensions were too much for Saul and he cracked up. Stress fractured his balance; final disaster was not long in coming.

We are not Israelite kings experiencing the pressures of dissolving power. But will anyone challenge the assertion that we live under increasing stress? You know the threats that surround us. Problems have become so complex that feelings of powerlessness come upon us and intensify our anxieties. We may at times feel desperate need to resolve our personal conflicts, acquire perspective discover guidance for action. The feelings are probably much like Saul's, even though we may describe it with current jargon, such as "losing our cool." The formidable reality is that each of us must seek ways of dealing with the strains of living.

If one is an employee, he feels the stress of the employer's critical presence and demanding requirements. ... [O]ur economic well-being usually depends upon consistently performing well enough to hold the job and to deserve promotion. Even then, economic conditions add tensions seemingly beyond anyone's individual direct control. A shipyard closes; a factory re-locates; a project loses its government subsidy; uncertainties govern even many so-called "secure" positions to the end that few persons relax comfortably in the assurance that permanent security is theirs. The top managers have to meet payroll, accommodate stockholders with dividends, outmatch competitors in quality, price, or both, find sufficient capital for research, development, expansion and hire the advertising agency which will acquire and retain a buying public. And worker, manager and advertising executive feel the strain of rising taxes and costs. Stress is a given in anyone's occupation.

Our homes are not always sanctuaries of peace, removed from the stresses of the agitated publics. The children argue; the parents squabble; and "home sweet home" is a discarded, framed motto in the attic with the other Victorian antiquities. Or so it seems, sometimes, when anxieties build about children's report cards and their adventures in misbehavior; or when Mother and Dad choose the same night to be mightily self-righteous and belligerent. Dr. Brucker (ON CLEAR DAY YOU CAN SEE FOREVER), says, in a blend of resignation and disgust, "I must leave now, this is my night to understand the children." Unlike Saul with David, no spears may be hurled, but other objects fly sometimes, emotional pressures build and the safety valve seems out-of-whack.

The words attributed to Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount have enduring beauty, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns and yet our Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field which today is and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith?" Do not be anxious, but how? I know of few persons who are either comforted or satisfied by a comparison with a flight of geese or a field of hay or a clump of lilies. These are experiences to be enjoyed aesthetically and symbolically but not adopted practically.

To be human is to experience anxiety, stress, and strain. If one would be alive the price tag is tension, occasional confusion, once in a while a sense of futility not to speak of that frequent companion, a sense of inadequacy and that rare but terrible visitor, a feeling of being threatened by forces we do not understand. Whether concerned with the Vietnam War, the crises in our cities, fatal illness, job failure, parents’ problems, housewives' frustration, masculine uncertainty, or any combination of a numerous company of feelings, the necessity of living under stress is part of our journey through life. Our choice is not between stress or an absence of stress, but the choice of living under stress or breaking under stress in ways that can be disagreeable, tragic, or pathetic.

Of initial importance to living under stress is to recognize and accept the truth that without stress there can be no growth. The unstressed muscle is the flabby muscle. If we want to grow physically, emotionally, morally, we must experience stress. No matter whose life you consider, your own or another's, a strong element of unpredictability exists which causes anxiety and stress. The weatherman may predict clear skies, but there's always a chance of rain. One buys stocks in the expectation that they will rise or remain stable. But one is foolish not to recognize that stocks go down, too. Did you see that cartoon in the Wall St. Journal where an agitated man is complaining to his wife, "But my $80 stock is now worth $40 and it didn't split." Neither good luck-charms, crystal balls, nor the best market analysis will provide complete assurance that we have looked into the future and know the course of coming events.

In the essay from which I read parts, Professor Gene Wise made the important point that "the unique fact of our post-Modern world is not simply anxiety, but its correlate – opportunity. There was a fable about a parrot and a crow, the parrot boasting about his pampered place in the cage and the attention given by those who wanted the parrot to repeat words and sentences. "No bird that lives gets the love and honor I get. Can you name another creature who’s reached the age of sixty without hearing a single cross word?" But the crow had understood that the reason the parrot had never heard a cross word was because the parrot had never expressed his own words or moods, but only imitated the words of his mistress. The price of life without stress is to give up your own expressions, your own chance for growth through contrariness as well as agreement with other people. Søren Kierkegaard, the Danish theologian whose influence outlived his death, once wrote, "anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." One has a good chance to reduce stress by expelling all freedom, but comfort in a cage is not sufficient inducement for most of us. Willie Sutton, the notorious bank-robber is said to have observed somewhat poetically, "there's nothing quite as peaceful as a bank after midnight." But such peace is not healthy but sick.

Ivar Lissner, the historian, wrote that "anxiety is a chain which each of us drags along behind throughout life," as he reflected on the philosophy of Anaxagoras, the teacher who lived in ancient Greece about 500 B.C.E. Anaxagoras taught that the stresses caused by the uncertainty of the future and strains due to insecurity stemming from the unknown are quite natural. Our peace of mind should not be completely disturbed because stress is part of the culture of things. Pericles, the famous Athenian statesman, was said to have been a pupil of Anaxagoras and ... was [said to be] “free from superstition, free from anxiety, and reasonably free from doubt.” (THE LIVING PAST, p. 335)

But how do we achieve a Periclean attitude which masters the stresses of living? An even more wise Greek, Euripides, has Orestes cry,

"I have ranged
A homeless world, hunted by shapes of pain,
And circling trod in mine own steps again." (IPHIGENIA IN TAURUS, p. 7)

Where are the guidelines for maintaining stress as a condition for growth but preventing stress from plaguing us with all manner of physical illness and emotional fracture?

There are no easy or complete answers. There are only clues which the wise and experienced have left as suggestions for us. I will mention just three: the need to accept time as reality; the obligation to search for alternatives; and in the priority of human relationships as contrasted with things.

One lesson I hope I have 1earned or can learn is wisdom acquired from something once said by Mike DiSalle, one time governor of Ohio. But the insight was one he communicated many years ago when he was was one of the top administrators in Government during World War 2. As head of the office of price stabilization he had to problems continuously which were grave and far-reaching. His was the kind of .job which could break a person. Commenting on hr s work and the never-ending tensions, he said one time, "You know how it is here. We get a crisis every twenty minutes. But the thing that makes it bearable is this I’ll bet you can't remember what last week's big crisis was." As I have thought many times about this, it has become associated with the summary of Jesus' analogy of the birds of the air and the lilies of the field, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day." Time may be relative in astro-physics, but it is an authentic dimension for members of the human family. Time does not go back and permit us to wipe out an experience and substitute another decision which has the advantage of hindsight. The most skillful quarterback of all is the Monday morning quarterback; but the real ones have to be there Saturday or Sunday and instant replay is possible only for the commentators.

There are many interpretations of the traditions left in the Christian community and transmitted to us as the words of Jesus. In that striking conversation with half-persuaded disciples, it seems to me that Jesus was pointing at the foolishness of vain regrets, not depreciating the family (Luke 9/59 ff.) "And he said to another, follow me. But he said, Lord suffer me first to go and bury my father. But he said unto him, leave the the dead to bury their own dead.... And another also said, I will follow thee Lord, but first suffer me to bid farewell to them that are at my house. But Jesus said unto him, no man having put his hand to the plow and looking back is fit for the kingdom of God." Jesus was not only pin-pointing half-hearted commitment but also the folly of useless remorse for that which is past. One help in living under stress is to accept fully the fact that the past is the past. If I'm standing with egg on my face, I'd better not try to turn back the clock, but wipe my face and see what's ahead, not gone by.

This advice about time applies to the future as well. There is a fullness of time about most of our emotional strains. One plans, prepares as best he can in anticipation of the future, but the bridge cannot be crossed until [we arrive at it]. Wise, but disenchanted Ecclesiastes, said, ''for everything there is a time and season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted."

You will say, of course, that while vain regrets about the past are foolish and unseasonable, anxieties about the future are unnecessary, but what about the terrible strain of the heavy anxieties of the present, when our efforts seem blocked and our goals frustrated? A proper attitude toward time past and time future does not meet the crises of the present moments.

One approach that the wise and courageous have found productive is the search for alternatives. I do not have the space to dwell on this, but let me try to suggest the value of alternatives with one of the instructive anecdotes about Abraham Lincoln. One of the Lincoln stories goes that a powerful Governor of a large state, enraged and stubborn, went to Mr. Lincoln to insist upon certain favors which were difficult for the President to give. Afterwards a friend said, "I suppose, Mr. President, you found it necessary to make large concessions to him as he came out of your office satisfied. "Oh, no," Mr. Lincoln replied, "I did not concede anything. You have heard how that Illinois farmer got rid of a big log that was too big to haul out, too knotty to split and to wet and soggy to burn. ‘Well, now,' said he in response to the inquiries of his neighbors one Sunday, as to how he had got rid of it, ‘Well now, boys, if you won't divulge the secret, I'll tell you how I got rid of it, I ploughed around it.’

“Now,” remarked Mr. Lincoln in conclusion, "don't tell anybody, but that's the way I got rid of the Governor. I ploughed all round him, but it took three mortal hours to do it, and I was afraid every minute he'd see what I was at." (LINCOLN'S OWN YARNS AND STORIES, p. 58, McClure).

There are times when the better ways of living under stress are found by seeking ways around the problem rather than trying to knock it down or make futile attempts to plow through.

But beyond the dimensions of properly handling stress in times past, time future, and time present, the key to living under stress, successfully, I believe, is the nature of our relationship with other persons. Every time I hear some of the fine music from that great show "Carousel," I'm reminded of a marvelous insight which is appropriate here. Impetuous, improvident Billy Bigelow is trying to explain to the Heavenly Judge that the gossip going around that he beat Julie, his wife, was untrue and undeserved. Billy speaks something like this, “I’d get home, we'd start to argue back and forth, forth and back, and she'd be right – so I had to hit her.” That's the way we are many times, isn’t it? Oscar Wilde plucked the same string in that line from the Ballad of Reading Gaol, “for each man hurts the thing he loves.” Much of the stress could be transformed to strength if only we could say, promptly, “I’m wrong, I’m sorry.” And the sooner said, the greater health. The point is not that the other person may be conciliated with a concession, but rather that we we are made whole by honest admission.

I've mentioned the Sermon on the Mount before in this sermon and it is there that this same wisdom was imperishably stated, "Ye have heard it said (5/23ff)...” [“Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”]

In other words, our well-being – our ability to live under stress is strongly linked with our inter-personal relationships. There is an effect like corrosive acid when we stifle resentment, withhold admissions of error, suppress expressions of forgiveness and permit jealousy, greed, anger to eat us away inside.

I doubt if religious institutions and their institutional preachers ever fully appreciate how radical Jesus was when he made the affirmation about the altar and the brother. Jesus was saying that unless you are right with your fellow human beings, then any activities at the altar have nothing to do with religion. Not only are you wasting your time, but you are in peril of the judgment. Now we have grown more sentimental about religion than Jesus ever was, thinking it is more accommodation and comfort than urgency and thrust; failing to realize the nitty-gritty perception his words represented. Yet we ought to know from the teachings of the physicians of the body, mind, and and emotions that much illness and distress are the result of poor personal relationships. Cynical Clare in Edward Albee’s A DELICATE BALANCE says, scornfully, “we love each other to the depth of our self-pity and greed." If she were right, the human enterprise is substantially awry and distorted.

One of the great literary examples where the countervailing truth is put positively and made manifest is in Herman Melville's MOBY DICK. One incident among many in that great epic of whaling days is stimulating:

“When the process of cutting up the whale took place, it was the harpooner's task to fasten a hook which stripped the blubber from the floating carcass. To fasten that hook, the harpooner had to work on the whale, standing on it, even though it was almost wholly submerged. Ishmael on deck was fastened by a rope to the harpooner, Queequeg.

“As Ishmael stood there with the "monkeyrope" tying him to the Polynesian harpooner who was maintaining a precarious balance on the slippery whale, Ishmael thought to himself, "for better or worse, we two were wedded; and should poor Queequeg sink to rise no more, then both usage and honor demanded that instead of cutting the cord, it should drag me down in his wake. I saw that situation of mine was the precise situation of every mortal that breathes, only in most cases, he, one way or another, has this Siamese connection with a plurality of other mortals."

Alone we cannot survive. Like Queequeg working in greasy danger, our only strong lifeline to happiness is held secure by other persons; even as each of us must serve to relieve the stress of others.

To live under the mandate to let the dead past bury its dead, to await the future with no premature terror and to make peace with our brothers before pretending to offer ritualistic sacrifice or worship – from such attitudes and acts we may be able to become persons who will use the experience of living under stress to grow in wisdom, stature, and in peace with ourselves and others.